2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
