y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
