My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
