Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
