My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
