Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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