my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
