Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
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Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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