Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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