please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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