Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
