it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
