I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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