3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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