OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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