what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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