Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
