i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
