Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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