and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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