make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
