Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
