Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize