And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The best revenge is premature balding
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
