Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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