I wanna passion pit in your ass
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
