soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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