You can't motorboat a personality
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
