You made me cry and you don't even care
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
