A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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