a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
