Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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