Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
