Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
