Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
