I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
