no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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