what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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