I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Damn victory sex feels great
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
