Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
