if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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