they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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