put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
