I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
