White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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