Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
