he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i out mim tonsoeep
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