Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
