I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
True strength comes from lack of pants
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
