As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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