In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
