Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
