Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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