Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
