break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
