I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
