I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
