I think my fart just growled at me.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You made out with two different species that night
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
