new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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