if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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