tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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