Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
