Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
