i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
