i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
