my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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