yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
