i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
