I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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