you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.