Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
