Barsexuality is the new black.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
