2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
