dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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