Only a mothe r could love this liver
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
