I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
