I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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