New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
