tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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