Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
