I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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