I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
