i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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