PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
