this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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