He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
