I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
my poor anus
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
