tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
