Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
