I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
